Tired of Elections? We’re Here to Help

Written by Redfern on 08/06/2017

Elections got you down? Too much talk of Brexits, failing hospitals, and who will be fastest to annihilate humanity in a global firestorm of nuclear armageddon?

You’re not alone.

We at Redfern Enterprises are sick of it too. We may be a multinational conglomerate devoid of ethics or empathy, but we’re just like you—an average human who is sick of all that fighting among politicians. A normal person who sometimes buys bread and who is tired of having to deal with complex …

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My Life Over the Past Six Months: An Intervention By Meddling Loved Ones

Written by Redfern on 14/09/2016

[TRANSCRIPT; SEPT 2016]

MISSING PERSON A: I hope this works, I really do.
MISSING PERSON B: It has to.
MISSING PERSON C: Do you really think he’ll listen? Lately he’s been–
MISSING PERSON B: Quiet, here he comes. Hi, Redfern!
ME: Oh wow, all my friends and family are here? Is this a party?
MISSING PERSON A: No, this is–
ME: How thoughtful! And only 11 months before my birthday!
MISSING PERSON A: –an intervention, we’re worried about–
ME: Still, you might have got some balloons, it’s quite drab …

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Threesomes, Bisexual Book Awards, and Other Deviant News

Written by Redfern on 07/04/2016

Spring for writers in 2016 is much like spring will be for everyone in 2116: it’s that time of year when you get to eat discounted chocolate eggs, insert a slightly brighter bulb into your desk-side SAD lamp, and conjure up the increasingly distant memory of flowers.

(Pretty sure that’s it.)

If you’re anything like me (and the increasingly concerned looks from those around you will confirm that you are), it’s also the traditional time for taking stock of everything you’ve accomplished this …

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Common Phrases (Used By People You Should Probably Ignore)

Written by Redfern on 03/03/2016

Recently it has come to my attention that the internet is good for things other than locating vulnerable people in order to cleanse their minds of the lives they once knew so they may join your sacred order and begin afresh as a jumpsuit-clad Follower named Redfern #48242. It’s also good for finding restraints, copious amounts of mind-altering hallucinogens, and jumpsuits. Also, debate. Terrible, terrible debate.

Generally I try to avoid getting drawn in to aggressive discussions online, be they about upcoming …

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News from the desk I’m currently chained to

Written by Redfern on 12/01/2016

Hello! Now you may have noticed that I have been absent since October. This is because I’ve been very very busy. As such, I would like to correct the following rumours:

1. I was not ‘buried in an avalanche’ and it was not ‘just what he (I) deserved’. The snow in Berlin is not that deep, and at worst I deserve slipping on some ice and falling down a small flight of stairs.

2. I did not ‘get involved in organised crime …

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