WHICH BERLINERS HATE YOU? THE QUIZ

Written by Redfern on 11/03/2014

Berlin is many things: poor, sexy, absolutely full to the brim with urine. It’s a great city, but it’s also a seething hive of competing subcultures, all rabid with hate for one another – and since you can’t possibly belong to every single one of them without maintaining a severe personality disorder, the good news is that you’re hated too! By many, many people!

But which ones? Last summer I sat in Gorlitzer park analysing the people around me and drawing …

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: RAISING A CHILD

Written by Redfern on 12/07/2013

Congratulations! You’re having a child! If you’re a woman, you’ve become pregnant! If you’re a man, you’ve become pregnant! (This is what comes of living beneath an electricity pylon). But parenting is fraught with dangers – how do you make sure your child grows up right? How does one instil the correct values? How to raise a  dazzling, talented lawyer, and not someone selling pirated VHS tapes in the alley behind a sex supermarket?

Well never fear, for now you can …

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CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE DEPRESSING REAL LIFE EDITION: GROCERY SHOPPING

Written by Redfern on 12/02/2013

Welcome to another exciting CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE DEPRESSING REAL LIFE EDITION. Whereas last time involved just getting through the day, this week we have a special challenge: lack of food in the house has necessitated the purchasing of groceries!

Will you survive, or wind up being murdered inside a Blockbuster Video? Only one way to find out!

 

1. You find yourself gradually and pleasantly waking up – the sun is shining through the gap in the curtains and you can feel …

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: GLORIOUS VICTORIAN EDITION (Part 2)

Written by Redfern on 10/11/2012

Chippy-chip-huzzoh! Welcome to a most stimulating second part of the ‘Choose Your Own Adventure: Glorious Victorian Edition’ (for part 1, click here). There are three potential ‘happy endings’, so make sure to choose wisely. Or randomly, I don’t care.

21. We last left you as a prominent politician, philanthropist, and tramp murderer. You are the darling of Victoria’s Empire: young, vicious, and with a fine bristly moustache (made from the very finest of kittenskins). But horrors! You have remained a bachelor …

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: GLORIOUS VICTORIAN EDITION (Part 1)

Written by Redfern on 07/11/2012

So it seems that a lot of people enjoyed ‘Choose Your Own Adventure: Depressing Reality Edition’, but complained that it didn’t feature enough moustaches or child poverty. Well consider the matter rectified, as I present:

 

Choose Your Own Adventure: Glorious Victorian Edition

 

1. You’re heading into town to buy pain relief pills for your dying cat, when you notice something is amiss: the skies have darkened with smog, the corpses of starved children litter the street, and the prostitutes have unrealistically slender …

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