HOW TO NOT GET ARRESTED THIS XMAS

Written by Redfern on 17/12/2014

Greetings happy housewives and househusbands! Welcome back to Housespouse Corner, where we help turn tears into treasures and empty gin bottles into elegant centerpieces! Or we would, if you hadn’t thrown it at the wall when your ex called by with the divorce papers! You certainly scared him!

Now, normally we at Housespouse Corner don’t celebrate Christmas, or any holiday that could potentially cause a mess in our lovely clean kitchens – however, we’ve received a special request this year to …

Continue Reading

THE ANGRIEST MODELS OF KADEWE

Written by Redfern on 26/11/2014

Rich people aren’t like you or I. We live in apartments, they live in private jets. Whilst we have secret sexual relationships with our bosses in a feeble attempt to rise a quarter-rung higher up the corporate ladder, they have harems filled with movie stars. Nowhere is this difference more noticeable than advertising. See, adverts made for we junk food-snorting proletarians show people being happy. The people in billboards and on TV frolic around some unrealistically clean restaurant or mall, …

Continue Reading

NEWS NIEWS NOOS

Written by Redfern on 13/11/2014

It’s that time when I refrain from writing blog posts about scented candles and repressed homosexuality and instead focus on things that have actually been happening to me in the real (?) world. And things happening there have been!

Firstly, you may have noticed some changes to this site.

The short stories page is updated, with new releases and pretty pictures of book covers. The site’s main page has also received some changes, now including my writing profile and a fantastic new …

Continue Reading

PERFECTLY “SAFE” SCENTED CANDLES FROM REDFERN ENTERPRISES

Written by Redfern on 17/10/2014

PRESS STATEMENT FROM REDFERN ENTERPRISES
OCTOBER 2014

“Hello… hello… is this thing on? Wait, I think… I think the microphone is broken… I think… Yeah, no, this looks like a handgun. Lemme check -”

[Loud air-piercing shots are heard; one brief scream]

“Well, then I’ll just have to talk a little louder. Hey, who invited the guy with blood all over his shirt? I mean, make an effort, am I right?”

[Pauses for laughter]

“So the reasons for calling this press conference are twofold. Firstly, I …

Continue Reading

CAN YOU KEEP YOUR MAN?

Written by Redfern on 30/09/2014

I’m tired of magazines like Cosmopolitan and Bella hogging all the troubling relationship advice. After all, I have interacted with human people on many occasions, and I definitely touched fingers with the postman once. Plus, I’ve been using medical waste bins as an all-you-can-eat buffet, so I’m pretty sure I’m in the right headspace to rival the writings of these fine, women-in-weird-poses-fronted publications.

(This is how I stand when waiting for the bus, or a sex client)

And if there’s one thing …

Continue Reading