THE ‘WHICH INVOLUNTARY SURGICAL PROCEDURE ARE YOU?’ QUIZ

Written by Redfern on 09/04/2014

Dear CUSTOMER,

Thank you for [taking an interest in / allowing yourself to be requisitioned by] REDFERN ENTERPRISES SURGICAL DIVISION. You’ll be pleased to know that each and every member our dedicated Excellence Team have over 40 hours’ medical training and at least 12 years mercenary combat experience. From unregistered orphanages in the Dominican Republic to the recently-sold public hospital in your hometown, REDFERN ENTERPRISES provides the ultimate in deregulated healthcare.

Before we proceed with your surgery, we ask that you take …

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HAPPY SIX MONTHS BEFORE MOVEMBER

Written by Redfern on 25/03/2014

I’m posting this selfie of myself without make-up for charity! Any and all charities! Because I’m ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AWESOME.

Please transfer €50 into my bank account.

Actually, as I’m clearly getting a head start on Movember, better make that €100.

 

Also, fuck everything.

- Fuckingbenevolentcharityfern

WHICH BERLINERS HATE YOU? THE QUIZ

Written by Redfern on 11/03/2014

Berlin is many things: poor, sexy, absolutely full to the brim with urine. It’s a great city, but it’s also a seething hive of competing subcultures, all rabid with hate for one another – and since you can’t possibly belong to every single one of them without maintaining a severe personality disorder, the good news is that you’re hated too! By many, many people!

But which ones? Last summer I sat in Gorlitzer park analysing the people around me and drawing …

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HAPPY VLADENTINE’S DAY

Written by Redfern on 23/02/2014

There are two things I missed whilst I was away the last two weeks: the winter Olympics and Valentine’s Day. Gone forever is the chance to hold my boyfriend’s hand whilst enjoying the traditional Burning of the Gays opening ceremony, to kiss him to the sound of horsewhips searing into Pussy Riot’s flesh, or to look into his eyes whilst basking in the warm glow of the twenty-first century’s newest authoritarian regime.

Still, I might be 9 days late, but I’m sure …

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Diary of a Straight Person: The Return

Written by Redfern on 06/02/2014

Straight people: can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without sneaking into their homes and selling their children to dog food companies. But beyond all the chasing and legal threats, what are the elusive people known as “Notgays” actually like? Last year ‘Mork Manton’  wrote a guest post giving terrifying insight into the heterosexual mind , and has once again blessed us with a peak at their strange world and alien thoughts. And so he sneezes onto us:

Diary of a Straight Person: The …

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