Straight Red’s Guaranteed Pick-Up Lines

Written by Redfern on 10/09/2015

No-one is better at dating than my ultra-heterosexual alter-ego, Straight Red – who, in his own words, is “absolutely surrounded by human females”. According to himself, Straight Red dates so many women that he often needs to spend hours, even days, wrestling with other men just to replenish his own masculinity (naked, just as they did in mega-manly ancient Greece).

“Covering yourself in another man’s sweat is a great way to keep those testosterone levels up,” he insists, a faraway look …

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