CAN YOU KEEP YOUR MAN?

Written by Redfern on 30/09/2014

I’m tired of magazines like Cosmopolitan and Bella hogging all the troubling relationship advice. After all, I have interacted with human people on many occasions, and I definitely touched fingers with the postman once. Plus, I’ve been using medical waste bins as an all-you-can-eat buffet, so I’m pretty sure I’m in the right headspace to rival the writings of these fine, women-in-weird-poses-fronted publications.

(This is how I stand when waiting for the bus, or a sex client)

And if there’s one thing …

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Straight Red’s Absolutely Hetero Guide to Shopping (For Real Men)

Written by Redfern on 05/09/2014

Word up, fellow normalsexuals! It is I, avowed misogynist womanizer Straight Red: lady expert, film critic, and hero of Russia – finally back from Utah’s most controversial ‘gay cure’ clinic. “But Straight Red!” I hear you cry, “You’re the handsomest and least same-sex attracted man I’ve ever seen! Why would you need to go to an ex-gay centre filled with handsome guys you had absolutely now attraction towards and certainly never had secret sex with late at night when the clinic’s supervisors weren’t …

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