PAPA REDFERN’S “NATURAL” ALLERGY CURES

Written by Redfern on 25/04/2014

Are you clutching a sopping wet tissue to your rasped-raw nasal cavities, dizzy from a disastrous loss of bodily fluids and despairing at the absence of any kind of loving deity? You’re not alone! This year has seen allergies become the hot new fashion trend, right behind youth unemployment and same-sex marriage. Unlike the latter two however, allergies are not caused by individual moral failings but are worsening because we murdered all the bees, harming their ability to eat pollen.

What …

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THE ‘WHICH INVOLUNTARY SURGICAL PROCEDURE ARE YOU?’ QUIZ

Written by Redfern on 09/04/2014

Dear CUSTOMER,

Thank you for [taking an interest in / allowing yourself to be requisitioned by] REDFERN ENTERPRISES SURGICAL DIVISION. You’ll be pleased to know that each and every member our dedicated Excellence Team have over 40 hours’ medical training and at least 12 years mercenary combat experience. From unregistered orphanages in the Dominican Republic to the recently-sold public hospital in your hometown, REDFERN ENTERPRISES provides the ultimate in deregulated healthcare.

Before we proceed with your surgery, we ask that you take …

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