THE CHORES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

Written by Redfern on 27/08/2013

Like all well-adjusted people, I absolutely detest doing chores, and usually trick strangers into doing them for me. Why not run into the street pretending your baby is seriously ill but oh never mind, she’s fine and invisible now, but would you mind giving me a hand with these dishes?

You’re fictional and I love you, Gerta

 

And I hated chores even more as a child.

But it turns out, a ton of the chores I saw growing up never happened. Sometime …

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THE TEN BERLINMANDMENTS

Written by Redfern on 23/08/2013

In two weeks’ time I’ll have been in Berlin for three years. I love this city – though I’m not one for attending trendy ‘discotheques’ whilst taking ‘Columbian Baking Soda’, and ‘[INSERT THIRD TONGUE-IN-CHEEK OUT-OF-TOUCH REFERENCE PEOPLE WILL TAKE AT FACE VALUE LIKE THEY DO SO MUCH OF THE STUFF ON THIS SITE AS THOUGH EVERYTHING I TAG AS ‘PSYCHOSIS’ IS MEANT LITERALLY GODSFUCKIT]’.

Even so, Berlin is full of interesting, open-minded people, and as a queer-thinking, polyamory-loving, witch-being vegetarian leftist …

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Straight Red’s TOTALLY STRAIGHT Heterosexual Guide to Pulling Women (NOT MEN)

Written by Redfern on 14/08/2013

As many of you know, I am actually a 1000% heterosexual man, and only play a gay person in real life. As a 100,000% heterosexual straight man, I have lots of sex with women, women with vaginas. Thus I feel compelled to share my knowledge of how to obtain sexual intercourse with women, because without it there will be no exciting man-woman sex and our very species will be doomed.

So before humanity dies out and pandas inherit the Earth (FUCK …

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REDFERN ENTERPRISES: THE GROWTH VATS

Written by Redfern on 09/08/2013

 

 

ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES:

Sadly, the misconduct of several staff members has required management to issue a fifteenth volume to the Rule Book, a summary of which which has been outlined below. We would like all employees to know that we are extremely disappointed in them, and as a result of last week’s events all vending machines and cafeteria trays will be filled with broken glass until further notice.

EMPLOYEES MUST NOT BRING THEIR OWN FOOD ONTO COMPANY PREMISES

You must eat from the …

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