Build-A-Baby Workshop!

Written by Redfern on 30/10/2012

Babies are great, and everyone is having one – from Lily ‘Lily Allen’ Allen to Anne Boleyn. In fact, more than 1000 babies have been born since 1998, and even hospitals are catering for them now. Why not? They scream, they scream, they shit themselves, and they scream. Who wouldn’t want one?

Though I have previously created a wonderful device for naming your perfect squealing shit beast, it appears I may have jumped the gun. Many (most) people I know have …

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Newsy stuff

Written by Redfern on 21/10/2012

OK, so I’ve been getting quite a bit done recently, and all I had to do was sacrifice daylight! It only gives you wrinkles anyway.


My latest feature article for Scifi Methods is out:

“I’m going to pick holes in something vital: tiny pieces of background information that should have no bearing on a sane person’s enjoyment of the film. Because I have an unhealthy interest in science fiction and far too much time on my hands.”


A guest post I wrote for October Poly …

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Tower of Lies: Buildings That Are Younger Than You Think

Written by Redfern on 18/10/2012

I make no secret of the fact that I’m a huuuuuge history nerd – some people even gave me a place to study it for 8 years, throughout which they kept giving me pieces of paper whilst making me wear increasingly weird robes and hats (I think it was a cult). Still, even though I am an Expert on Everything, some parts of history surprise even me.

Take wonders of the world – they”re all really old, right? The Great Wall …

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Written by Redfern on 10/10/2012

When I was younger choose your own adventure books were awesome – it didn’t matter that the choices were ridiculous or the writing banal, I got to make choices and therefore all was right with the world. Unfortunately, nothing I read as a child contributing toward making me a ‘Normal Person’, and so I present the following choose your own adventure, in the hope that it will help the next generation function normally.*


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Wanted: Stalker to steal toothbrushes

Written by Redfern on 01/10/2012

LOCATION: My home, workplace, local park(s)

TASKS: Stealing my toothbrushes, following me, leaving me (romantic?) notes

PAY: Toothbrushes

I am searching for a tall human to be my Personal Self-esteem Promoter (“stalker”). Must have own car/rollerblades, night vision equipment, and teeth. Good penmanship essential. Duties include standing outside my bedroom window (shifts no less than 18 hours), making phone calls (silent; heavy breathing), and murdering my friends to prove your devotion.

Candidates must have a positive, go-getting attitude, with absolutely no conception of boundaries. …

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